Ich bin Deutschlehrerin? Na ja...

You are invited to my life!
Where? Topeka West High School
What? German teaching/ Scholar's Bowl Coaching
When? "Serving USD501 since 7/30/09"

I am sitting in the Extended Learning Center of Topeka West High School. Theoretically, some of my students who were concerned about their quarter grades will be taking advantage of my offer of extra credit in exchange for working through an hour of one-on-one tutoring. So far, though, I haven't seen a single student of mine.
Not that I'm complaining. I get paid an extra $14 an hour to sit here and do my own thing, and there are many of my own things to do. Writing in my blog has been on one of my many to-do lists over the past few months. Until now, it has gotten pushed to the bottom of the list in the midst of my flailing attempts to keep my head above the rising water that is my new profession.

Today, though, my continual attempts to organize myself and get ahead have failed, as I have forgotten to bring the things I meant to get done during this hour. My remaining options were either to stare at my to-do list, nervously adding more and more details to keep track of... or to hand-write a post for my blog. Writing my blog seemed better for my state of mind.

I have been reluctant to publicly reflect on my teaching so far. I'm self-conscious of my stories, either that they're overly idealistic, or, as is more often the case, that they're very negative. If you've asked me about my job in the last few weeks, you might have heard something like, "It's stressful, I'm underqualified, the kids are hateful and ungrateful, the paperwork is ridiculous and overwhelming."

When I tell these stories to other teachers looking for empathy and identification, they usually grin ominously, and cryptically respond, “Ah yes, I remember my first year of teaching. Well….. you’ll learn.”

It turns out, though, that being stressed out and depressed is just... stressful and depressing. If I'm going to survive this year, I'm going to have to summon my inner Pollyanna...

For one, yes, I'm continually exhausted by trying to come up with exciting and entertaining ways to force kids to memorize German grammar, but hey, I get to spend my time coming up with creative ways to practice my one of my favorite hobbies, it's really not a bad gig for me. And there is nothing better than realizing that one of my ideas worked, and worked really well. It's maybe the best feeling ever.

It's true, I work and stress out way more hours than my .75 part time position pays for. But at least I have a job, at least I get to use my degree right out of college, at least I can pay for all of the things I need, including a great living situation in Lawrence.

Yep, I've already been called a bitch to my face, and heard from other teachers that several kids have confided their hate for me. What a meanie I am, expecting people to bring work to study hall. But I also have kids who say things that sound like a chapter out of Chicken Soup for the Teacher's Soul, like, "Wow, that was actually a really fun activity!I could actually FEEL myself learning!" and "I already know Spanish, why would I take it again? I wanted to learn another language instead!"

Yesterday I had a personal victory when I had made some changes in class structure, and one of my most challenging students (Miss Sits-in-the-back-and-sleeps-and-consequently-has-a-20%) participated happily in everything in class. She left saying, "I actually understood what was going on today. That was awesome!" ...I know, crazy. Not even I think German grammar is "awesome."

So, in summary: My feelings about teaching are a pretty big rollercoaster. Depending on what day or minute I consider my feelings about it, I might be convinced it's my life's work, or convinced it's ruining my life and my sanity.

Moral of the story: When you ask me how my year of teaching is going, ask me specifically what's been going well. :)