Desperate Times

There's a rumor going around that September and October are the most depressing months of the school year for both the kids and the teachers.  The so-called "honeymoon period" is over and there is just a long stretch of months ahead, with no end in sight.

For most of our kids this is when they realize that not turning in assignments actually does affect your grades, which unfortunately coincides with the due-date for Quarter grades.   I keep repeating to myself the wise saying that I first read on the door of a professor's office at Bethel:  "Failure to plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Well, it would be nice if it would stop right there but... that philosophy still doesn't protect you from the added details of responding to emails and phone calls from parents desperate for their children's make-up work, grading last-minute make-up tests, printing off grade sheets so kids can know what they're missing, and organizing resources to make up for time missed.

Today one of my homeroom kids found me in my classroom after school.  I stopped what I was doing, pulled up the gradebook on my computer, printed off the gradesheet she was looking for, and walked with her down to the office, where the one printer in the building lives; all the while listening to her version of the story:

"My teacher just blew me off when I asked what I missed from class when I was gone.  It would have taken her two seconds to tell me but she didn't want to talk about it. And then she wouldn't give me my grade sheet either.  She didn't look like she was doing anything, she just said 'not now.' I don't understand why my teachers won't give me make-up work if I'm going to the effort of asking for it."

Hm.  I couldn't think of anything to say that would induce the empathy and patience necessary to understand this situation, High schoolers aren't particularly well-know for empathy and patience to begin with.

I can't help but identify with the unnamed teacher... After a class period is over, it might as well be miles behind me because I'm needing to run a balancing act of the details for the upcoming classes, all five of them.  If you ask me about history during a German class period, or vis versa, the chances are exponentially greater that I will not even remember what we were talking about during the class period in question... Not only that but now my train of thought has been derailed.

This year I have been doing a better job keeping a running tab on who is missing what, and how to put my hands on the resources they need the odd moments that they choose to ask me for them.  But keeping absentee kids up to speed is still one of the most frustrating aspects of teaching.

I read a poem that I think of on days like today.  The fact that I wish I could say this to my kids probably just highlights my not-so-latent anger about my role as a teacher...

But, well, I wouldn't say this to them, because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't really make they point I would hope for.  They would just think I was another cryptic teacher refusing to give them what they need to succeed.  I will just have to satisfy myself by posting it here.

Did I Miss Anything?

Tom Wayman

Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

     Everything. I gave an exam worth
     40 percent of the grade for this term
     and assigned some reading due today
     on which I’m about to hand out a quiz
     worth 50 percent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

     Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
     a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel
     or other heavenly being appeared
     and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
     to attain divine wisdom in this life and
     the hereafter
     This is the last time the class will meet
     before we disperse to bring the good news to all people
          on earth.

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

     Everything. Contained in this classroom
     is a microcosm of human experience
     assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
     This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
          gathered

     but it was one place

     And you weren’t here

From Did I Miss Anything? Selected Poems 1973-1993, 1993

Harbour Publishing

On a less cynical note, this really is a rough time of year for kids and my school is currently dealing with the backlash from a recent student's suicide.  It's scary how many real disasters are right under the surface of the day-to-day functions in my classroom. I need social worker's training to do this job...

Personal Development

Dedicated to Ben C., who, like me, could use some time honing his social skills.  

Monday and Tuesday were two full days of professional development presentations. I can't say I had an extremely good attitude about it. My fear was that after the two days I would not only feel overloaded with new strategies and expectations, but also feel so criticized and defensive that I wouldn't let myself get anything positive out of the time spent.

Some of my fears came true, but the first presenter was able to disarm some of my uptightness.  He successfully posed some thought-provoking questions and stories that addressed some of those perennial teacher hang-ups about professional development (this guy was gooooood).

Between jotting notes about summarization strategies, I pondered what exactly it is that is so threatening about those professional development days. What aspect of all of those helpful suggestions feels the most criticizing and gets at my deepest insecurities about teaching?

I think at the bottom of it, for me, may be the inherent personality conflict. One of the hardest things about starting the school year has been the extreme personality and demeanor change that I have to go through in order to stand in front of a classroom, not to mention successfully direct the behavior and emotions of 30 students.

According to most presenters, trainers, and teaching self-help materials, as well as my own short experience, the best teacher is someone who is outgoing, enthusiastic, extremely friendly, and willing to humble themselves to be silly and entertaining.

A very few lucky teachers actually do have that personality; many teachers are capable of pulling that off, but would feel fake and frustrated the whole time. That's me. I can do it, but I've had to admit a hard truth: at this point, I have to be highly caffeinated to do it well. Sigh...

On the other hand... hrrrmmmmmmmmm... maybe I am just in the middle of a process of learning some more advanced and challenging social skills. Maybe outgoing people just do have more beneficial, healthier, and effective social skills.

 Maybe being a teacher is forcing a few of us to practice and learn skills that everyone really should learn--how to be engaging, welcoming, enthusiastic, and positive.

I had another reason to reflect on that thought after spending last weekend in a setting where highly academic language was the norm, and my conversations were at times uncomfortable, competitive, and frustrating as I tried to relate to people whose main "personality" traits were aloofness and condescension.

Although part of me was jealous of their freedom to act however they want, to not be obligated to project a certain personality type, part of me felt embarrassment and pity for them. It's sad to see someone handicapping themselves by ingraining negative social skills as if that's the only way they are able to act.  I don't always WANT to adapt myself to different personality traits when the need arises, but at least teaching is showing me that I CAN.

I found myself making a mental checklist of the social skills that I'm personally working on.  I decided to share it based on my new-found opinion that everyone should perhaps at some point be expected to practice these in order to be functioning members of society... not just Academia:

I will find something I can affirm in the person I'm interacting with. Really, it won't kill me.

I will act like I'm excited to see people. I will remember them, call them by name. I will try to find out something about them before I accidentally offend them by opening my own mouth too soon or too much.

I will remember that it takes more talent and is more admirable to make myself understandable to anyone than to add complicated vocabulary to my speech.

People listen better when I am entertaining and funny. By definition, people who act disinterested, bored, and aloof are neither entertaining, nor funny. So even if I have trouble with entertaining and funny, at the very least I will try not to be disinterested, bored, and aloof.

Last but not least (my students remind me of this one every minute of my day): No matter how smart I am, I probably won't make any friends by trying to prove my intelligence and accomplishments. And I probably can't convince them anyway. Instead, people will appreciate me much more (maybe even respect me one day...?) if I figure out a way to help them realize their own intelligence.

So there.  And now I leave my soapbox, and go back to enjoying this beautiful fall evening. To soften up my message a bit, I decided to add a kitten to my blog post:

Have a nice day.